How to discipline your child in a smart and healthy way

There comes a time when every parent struggles with the best way to train their children. Whether you are dealing with a screaming toddler or an angry teenager. It can be difficult to control your emotions. No parent wants to find themselves in this situation. And most importantly, screaming and physical violence never helped.

Fortunately, there are other, more effective methods. One of them is positive discipline. We consulted  Lucy Clover , Professor of Children and Family Social Work at the University of Oxford. She is the mother of two sons. To explore how these guidelines can help parents build positive relationships with their children. who are they? and teach skills such as responsibility, cooperation, and self-discipline.

There are no bad boys, just bad behaviour.

Why positive discipline?

“Parents don’t want to yell or hit their children . We do it because we’re nervous and we can’t see any other way,” said Professor Kluwer.

The evidence is clear: yelling and hitting are ineffective and may do more harm than good in the long run. Repeated yelling and hitting can have a negative impact on a child’s entire life. Constant “toxic stress” can lead to many negative outcomes, such as increased chances of dropping out of school, depression, substance abuse, suicide, and heart disease.

“It’s like saying, ‘Here’s this medicine, it’s not going to help you and it’s going to make you sick,'” said Professor Clover . That’s a good reason to look elsewhere.”

Rather than punish and do not. A positive discipline approach focuses on developing a healthy relationship with your child and setting expectations about behavior. The good news for all parents is that this method works. Here’s how you can get started:

1. Plan 1 on 1

Individual time is essential to build a healthy relationship. And even more so with your children. “It could be 20 minutes a day, or even 5 minutes. You can combine it with something like washing the dishes together while singing or talking while you do the laundry,” says the professor. Clover said, “What really matters is that you focus on your child, turn off the TV, turn off the phone, and get to their level. And that’s you and them.”

2. Appreciate positively.

As parents, we often focus on and blame our children’s bad behavior, and children may be reading this to get your attention. Repeat the bad behavior instead of stopping it.

Children grow up with praise. It makes them feel loved and special. “Be careful when they do good things and praise them. Even if only five minutes of play is done with siblings,” suggests Professor Clover . “This can encourage good behavior and reduce the need for discipline.”

3. Set clear expectations

“Telling your child exactly what you want is more effective than telling them what not to do,” says Professor Clover . They don’t have to understand what they have to do.” Clear instructions, such as “Please box all of your toys,” set clear expectations and increase the likelihood that they will do what you ask.

But it is important to set realistic expectations. Asking them to keep quiet Professor Clover says: “The whole day may not be as manageable as asking for 10 minutes of quiet time while you’re on the phone. You know what your child is capable of. But if you ask for the impossible they will fail.”

4. Creative distraction

When your child is going through a difficult time , distracting them with positive activities can be a helpful strategy. Professor Claure said. “When they get distracted by something else — by changing the subject, offering the game, taking them to another room. Or going for a walk you can successfully shift their energy into positive behaviors.”

Timing is also important. Distraction is also about noticing  when  things are going wrong and taking action. Consider when your child starts fidgeting when he’s angry or upset or when two siblings are looking at the same toy can help defuse a potential situation before  it becomes the same.

5. Take calm results.

Part of growing up is knowing that if you do something, the consequences can happen. Determining this for your child is a simple process. that promote better behavior while teaching them responsibility.

Give your child the opportunity to do the right thing by explaining the consequences of his bad behavior, for example, if you want your child to stop scribbling on the wall. You can tell them to stop, otherwise you will be interrupting their playtime. This gives them a warning and an opportunity to change their behaviour.

If they don’t stop , follow through with the consequences calmly and without showing anger. “And give yourself credit for that ,” Professor Clover added .

If they stop , give them lots of praise.Professor Cleaver recommends “What you do is create a positive response for your child. Peaceful consequences have been shown to have implications for children to see what happens when they misbehave.”

Consistency is an important factor in being a good parent. This is why it is so important to follow through with consequences.To achieve it , “You can take out your teen’s phone for an hour. But leaving it out for a week can be hard to keep up with.”

Share with young children

Face to face fun – and it’s completely free! You can mimic their expressions. Hit the spoon against the bowl or sing together,” adds Professor Clover. There is some amazing research that shows that playing with children improves their brain development.

Get involved with the older kids

Just like a toddler , teens seek praise and want to be seen as a nice person. One-on-one time is still important to them. “They love it if you dance. ” They may not always perform it.But they show up and it’s an effective way to build conditional relationships.”

With expectations set , Prof Clover advises, “Ask them to help you set some rules . Sit down and try to agree on do’s and don’ts at home.” It can also help to determine the consequences of unacceptable behaviour. Being involved in the process lets them know you understand that they are becoming beings ‘. their own independent.”

Tips for parents during the COVID-19 pandemic 

The pandemic has caused sudden and dramatic changes in the lives of families with fathers.Here are some tips that can help parents during these and other difficult times:

1. Pause

We all know the pressure we feel when our child is going through a difficult time. During this time staying in the present and stepping back is a simple and helpful strategy. Press the “pause” button, as Professor Clover calls it, “take five deep, slow, careful breaths. You’ll notice that you can respond more calmly and measuredly.” Parents all over the world say pausing is very helpful.”

2. Back

Professor Clover says: Parents often forget to take care of themselves, and adds: “Make time for yourself, such as when the children are asleep, and do things that make you feel happy and calm. It is very difficult to do everything right as a parent. when you don’t give yourself time off at all.” .

3. Praise yourself

It’s easy to forget the great job you do as a parent every single day. And Professor Clover advises that you should take some credit for yourself. I’m like, “What did I do well with my kids today?”And I just know that you did an amazing thing. “

“We may be in and out of isolation. But you are definitely not alone,” she says. “Millions of parents around the world struggle and we all fail sometimes. Then we try again.we will live together “.