What will the child do in your social life? Here’s one thing you need to know
What will the child do in your social life? Here’s one thing you need to know
One of the reasons I insisted I never wanted children was because I was really paranoid, and absolutely loved my social life (bonus points in your house if you get the reference). My younger self as children saw an idea that would inevitably chop off my feathers and hand me to a prisoner who would never, again, have happy hour on a Friday night, Wednesday night, or Sunday. today. (Yes, I’ve hung off the rails a few times, okay! Don’t judge my travels.) Before the kids, I would travel, ride, and road trips whenever I felt like it. sofas. -Browse bit (this was before Airbnb). I imagined what I wanted my life to look like, and kids weren’t a part of it.
But you know, life happens, we fail birth control, or we get carried away by relationship magic, or we change our minds about having children, and suddenly 10 months later, we’re going to have a baby. It is covered up in soiled diapers. No, really, I know this sounds scary and even a little scary, but it’s really not that bad. In fact, it’s really amazing. I hang out with this amazing little kid (not to mention he’s absurdly adorable) day in and day out and get paid to write about it, so it took a lot of work.
But if you had told me before having your child that I was going to be a mother, let alone the love of being a mother, I would never have believed it. I was a baby in my family, which means I never changed my diapers before I had my son. I’ve had the experience of raising some very young children from the occasional visit to my little nieces, but I’ve never fed them out of the bottle so much, and had no idea how to bathe or breastfeed a child or give me something of that temperamental nature. And
In fact, I didn’t really like children very much before I was born. I was always the first to catch the eye of parents who let their kids run around the stores. I couldn’t stand it when people brought their brother to the damned pub, even though that bar was a leaning restaurant. And don’t freak me out about what my parents do to people who bring their kids to the movies (well, I’m still not big on that, but I’m sorry about that). That is, I was an opponent. – the hit. And I realize now (and frankly, I probably would at the time) that more than hating them, I was afraid of losing everything I loved about my child-free life, and totally convinced. Would having a baby be all that? I. I lost my friends, I lost my independence – I was sure that my social life would be completely over.
And these feelings were despite the fact that I knew some parents who still managed to make it to a friend’s birthday from time to time. I knew a mother who raised a teenage daughter and thought I’d give her more nights to study, network for law studies, cook for friends, and share with myself. She’s lived a healthier social life than throwing surprise parties for her best friends. I had a friend who was a father but managed to play in a band, work full time, and even start a garden with his daughter. My mom was a friend who worked, had two kids, and reinvented herself as a sassy (and dead gorgeous) model. The possibility of having a social life while still being a parent was not entirely impossible. I mean, hell, look at Beyoncé…
But then I also had friends who were completely on the other side of the spectrum: I had a friend who walked away, was a kid, and fell off the face of the earth completely for a few years. When she finally showed up, her Facebook user’s photo (and every photo after that) was just her son’s. Then I knew another mother who still lives in the city (even in my neighborhood) and who disappeared from all social circles. Her life now revolves around her baby boy, and I didn’t hear about her much until I found out I was pregnant with a boy. Another friend of mine married a man who also had a child, and when he tried to attend our social gatherings, he would usually ask if it was okay to bring a child, because otherwise he would have done so. This was not the kind of social life I wanted.
So here’s the thing: If you’re afraid that having a baby will undoubtedly be the end of your social life, you’re wrong. This is not the end. And the only thing that you should really understand is that your life not only stops after children, but also stops developing.
I will say again:
One thing you need to know is that your social life will change after you have a baby – but it won’t die.
Just as humans have evolved over time to deal with the various challenges that come our way, so does your social life. Here is a breakdown of how it works, in one way or another:
First, you will have a child
Then, you will be completely fascinated by said child and will instantly forget everything in the world, even if you don’t understand what it means.
After that, you will become a sleep-deprived coma and do nothing but meet your child’s needs. You will inevitably stop giving a little bit about everything, including the former’s preoccupation with your social life and the need to fill out the calendar every night.
Then time will pass, and you will miss your friends. This part is bad.
But here’s what happens next:
You will call or text your friends to hang out with you and your child. You will start doing it more. You’ll eventually get a babysitter, and you’ll be out for an hour or two, maybe have dinner with friends, maybe on a short date with your partner. It’s very likely that you won’t have to go out as often as you, but that’s probably because you’ll be too busy building turrets out of blocks or racing toy cars or pretending to have tea or your child to start Star Wars to take care of you as much as you thought you would.
You won’t stop caring about going out once you’re a mom — but you won’t bother going out every night. You can even be grateful for a perfectly valid excuse to stay home.
You’ll also find new reasons and ways to be social
Instead of making it to open a new club, you’ll take your child to the library during story time and make friends with other parents. Or you’ll join a mommy and me yoga class, a walking group, or a play date meeting and have your child connect with other rugs (at first awkwardly) to get to know other people in your area. Species go. This is the time when you really start to get a feel for your social life as you know it may not be there, but a different and new social life will emerge.
It will be entirely up to you to make this change. Every parent is different, so while some may be ready to go on a weekend trip without kids months later, others may not feel comfortable until their kids are of talking age. Yes, or they may never rest. But your life will evolve.
For me, having children means knowing who my true friends are. It also meant letting go of the toxic people in my life. Most of them were old “friends” who were really just companions, but mostly they spoke negatively about everything and had no value in our friendship. Being a father really makes you double your time. If I’m going to have a fun night out once or twice a month, I sure as hell shouldn’t waste it on someone who says terrible things or makes me feel bad for my existence. sound. no thanks.
The kids also made a fire under my ass so I could start doing all the things I was too lazy to do before. Although I have less time now, I am still more motivated. This is perhaps the best part of the evolution of social life. You start doing the work like you go to school or volunteer your time or get your love to get a job or start that side business that you can do from home because now you have no one else who is your base and he is your biggest fan and inspiration who wants to be proud of you. So you find new ways to be social, such as networking groups to help you achieve your goals, both online and in person. It’s really amazing how the most successful kids can be forced to do it.
I’m not saying that everyone goes this route, but many of us do. So, if you’re pregnant now, create some dread because you can’t travel to Paris at any point: stop. Your life will not end. Instead of stress, embrace the way you grow. You may find yourself amazed at how much you love this new life, filled with not only the occasional girls’ night or date night, but trips to the playgrounds, coffee dates with other moms, holiday parties with the kids, and more trips to the library than ever before – This is a beautiful thing.