11 things every mom growing up with an abusive parent wants her kids to know
When I was young and growing in an abusive home with an abusive parent, I couldn’t imagine that I would one day go back to the experience and think I would raise my son later on to his childhood days. I will tell about but here I am, armed with lessons, living an abusive childhood that taught me what I would think of my child when he inevitably asked me about my life, and when I was his age, what was it then?
There are some things I’m not sure I would say to him; Details that won’t do anything but hurt and scare me. But there are other things—important things that growing up with an abusive parent takes for granted—that I think should definitely be shared.
When I found out I was pregnant, I quietly promised the peanut growing inside me that I would do everything in my power to end the cycle of violence with me; He or she will not be forced to endure life with an abusive parent. For me and many others, constant contact is an important component of ensuring that domestic violence is not a cross-generational denominator. Easier said than done, sure, and there are many factors—socioeconomic status, relationship dynamics, and culture within any given society—that make abuse prominent, persistent, and recurring.
However, every mother who grew up with an abusive parent wants to tell her child these 11 things to do to help ensure that her children never experience what she did?
Sharing stories about an abusive and traumatic past is a personal decision that works perfectly for you. Which (or not) should. How the collective “us” we deal with trauma varies from person to person, so while some people find relief and relief from sharing their experiences, others simply don’t. There is no one “right” or “wrong” way and the way one chooses to work through the lasting effects of abuse is a personal decision that should always be respected. Whether you actually tell your kids that you’ve been broken up by an abusive parent is entirely up to you.
However, every parent who suffers from parental abuse wants to tell the truth to their children. No, you don’t need to go into details and no, you don’t need to share every traumatic story, but being open and honest with your child about what happened (even in the summary) will be beneficial to both of you.
Why is Grandma/Grandpa not around
You may still have a relationship with your abusive parents. Maybe not. Again, how someone moves through the abuse is entirely up to them, and some children of the abusive parent eventually establish a healthy relationship with that parent. However, if you don’t, and that abusive parent is out of your life, and then, out of your child’s life, you’ll want to tell him why. Again, you don’t need to go into detail and portray your abusive parent as a monster, which scares your child into thinking all grandparents are bad (because that can happen).), but it’s a good idea to let your child know that the absence of their grandparents has nothing to do with them. Kids are smart and they are all taking notice huh , so when your dad or mom isn’t on vacation or a family event huh the inevitable question is whether it pays to be honest and truthful.
Abuse is okay
A mother who grew up with an abusive father will die determined to end the vicious cycle of violence. Children in homes where violence occurs are exposed to physical abuse or severe neglect at rates 1,500% higher than the national average. If you grew up with domestic violence, you are 74 times more likely to commit a violent crime against another person. It is important to teach our children that sexual, domestic, physical, mental, emotional or financial – in any way, is never okay. It’s okay if someone says they love you; It is not okay for someone to buy something to apologize to you; It’s okay if someone’s life is hard and they’re trying. This is not good, and a mother who was abused as a child insists her child(ren) never treat abuse as love, affection, or care.
Reasons why quitting smoking is difficult
Victims of abuse often feel guilty for not leaving early. Individuals who have never experienced manipulation, alienation, and financial harassment that trap someone in an abusive environment can be shameful and judgmental of victims because, hey, you can ‘leave’..right? wrong. A mother who grew up in an abusive home will make sure that her children learn empathy and support rather than judgment. There are many reasons why victims of abuse live with their abusers: money, fear, children, low self-esteem, stress, lack of options, etc. The list could literally go on forever. There are as many reasons to be in a humiliating situation as there are reasons to leave, and… the devil you know, etc.
I was angry with my mother for not leaving my abusive father. I was too close to those circumstances (and too young and too naive), to realize all the reasons why my mother couldn’t leave. It’s important to me that my son learns about my childhood, my mom, my brother and the situation, and I know why grandma can’t move my mom and uncle. It’s important to learn that power comes in all shapes and sizes, and doesn’t make the victim look like the person just insulting him.
Compassion is more useful than condemnation
This is why kindness and support are essential to victims of abuse, rather than the judgment and shame that is constantly taught to those who are unlucky because they have never experienced it. A mother who grew up in an abusive environment knows what kindness and encouragement has helped her and her family, rather than “pressing” and “making her life better” and whatever dealing with people. contempt and misunderstanding.
Early warning signs of abuse
A mother who grew up with an abusive parent may want her child(ren) to easily recognize the warning signs of dating or domestic violence. Many of these warning signs seem harmless enough: never wanting to spend time with friends, insisting on “checking in”, excessive jealousy and/or insecurity, etc. We all want the best for our children, a mother who grew up in an abusive country. Home will work tirelessly to ensure that her child does not have to experience anything even remotely, whether it be from a parent, boyfriend/girlfriend, or anyone else.
How to ask for help
When you are a victim of abuse, it is difficult to reach out and seek help. Many victims do not realize that there are people and organizations who can help, while others are forced to realize that they are the problem and not the person who offended you. Whatever a mother will do to help her child, it usually means providing them with the ability and knowledge to help themselves. Victims of abuse can get help, but it can be a complex process and knowing what to do, how to do it, and where to go after doing it is an important part of eventually breaking up with the abuser.
You will never get what you want
The cycle of domestic violence and abuse is hard to break. Persistent patterns are often learned and repeated, with children of domestic violence being 3 times more likely to repeat the cycle in adulthood. A mother who grew up in an abusive environment not only knows what abuse looks like, she also knows how to put an end to it. While it is by no means acceptable, in shape or form, to have a vivid example of an abusive parent numbered to do. A mother who has an abusive parent wants her child to be first and foremost and always know that what they have been through is something they will never have to experience.
It’s okay, but you learned a lot
When you grow up in an abusive environment, you learn a lot. These are lessons you definitely don’t want to learn, but they are lessons that can make you a better father, a better person, and, well, a better person. A person who abuses you deserves no credit for those lessons – you’ve learned to spot the bright side of a terrifying, dangerous and violent situation despite your best efforts – but it’s perfectly okay to tell your child that it isn’t. It was a terrible situation, you are better off for that. It’s okay to show them that even the worst things that can happen to us can become part of us, and ultimately become better versions of ourselves. It’s a hopeful lesson, and when you provide proof that it’s a real lesson, it will be a moment your child will never forget.
They can always come to you
A mother who survives an abusive parent will insist on building a healthy, respectful, and supportive relationship between her child and herself. You know, the kind of relationship she couldn’t have with her abusive parents. This means that she will undoubtedly make sure that whether her child is about sex, a failed friendship, school, or a date that has not gone well – they can come to her. They will find safety and comfort, not anger and violence. A mother who has an abusive father wants to give her child what he doesn’t have: unconditional love.
The most important relationship you have with yourself
Arguably one of the most important things a mother can do for an abusive parent who wants to tell her child is: Self-love is the most important love you will ever experience. Domestic violence and abuse depend on his ability to convince the victim that he is nothing; They are unforgivable, stupid, undeserving irrevocably, dependent on those who offend them. A mother who was abused by her father will work tirelessly to teach her child that he is worthy of respect, protection, and love; They have value and no one – romantic partner or otherwise – can take that value away from them.
They will tell their children that they must love themselves as they are and that they are working to become. They will tell their children that they were not told by their abusive parent: they deserve it.